Sometimes, when we are in the throes of a new relationship, we experience a biochemical emotional frenzy and we misplace the feelings of love and connection inside of us on the other person.
We think, “Jeez! This guy or gal is really amazing! I want to spend forever with them!”
More often than not, we discover that feeling is fleeting and transitory as aspects of them start rubbing us the wrong way, and their *shit* doesn’t smell as rosy as it once did.
Well, what the heck happened?!
We fell out of harmony with ourselves is what happened.
Eye Magnets (2012) – Katerina Edwards
When love is fresh, new, young and vibrant, it consumes all of our attention, all of our energy, and we can barely focus on anything else besides yearning to be with our loved one, longing to kiss and be kissed, waiting for them to brush past us so that we might catch a whiff of their scent. We become enamored, and the connection is made. We look at our lover and think, “Ah, yes finally! The answer to my woes, the solution for my happiness! Yes! Life will be well so long as you are near.”
… and reality sets in sooner than later thankfully.
Out of our delusion, we fly into the awareness that this person may have issues.
Sometimes, they are quite lovely, beautiful even, and others they can be quite dark and surly.
What now? Prince Charming turned into an imp and I’m stuck with him!
I hear so many women talk about this phenomenon. When everyone starts getting an inkling of security, the walls come crumbling down and all the hidden shadows, creepy crawly things, quirks, and neurosis comes trickling out. They leave socks on the floor, have a goofy laugh that was once endearing, or never ask you how you are doing. Maybe they are arrogant, and egotistical at times. Perhaps they are even violent or have anger problems. Maybe they drink too much or are way too bitter.
What now?! Prince Charming is secretly also an imp!
How could I love someone as flawed as them?
It goes back to this whole notion of connection, love, and harmony within ourselves.
“Why ourselves, Katerina?”, you might ask me.
It’s simple, really. And honestly quite liberating. My findings and life experiences have shown me actually that when there is something inside someone else that I can’t accept or have compassion for, there are some other hidden issues inside of myself that I can’t extend that same kindness to. Sometimes, it’s the exact same issue, and sometimes the relationship between the two issues is more nebulous and undefined.
Recognize that the other person is in you! ~ Yogi Bhajan
We are all neurotic in our own ways, and sometimes, the most important thing to remember is that in some regards we may appear we are flawed, broken and unworthy of love, but in a broader sense, we are entirely worthy of being fully loved for who we are.
If you and your partner can practice self-forgiveness and compassion for the self first, and not spend time in the realm of blaming, criticizing, shaming, or otherwise hurting…
More love and insight will be available to both of you, and more of your resources will go towards transforming the issue into a beneficial “growth opportunity” for both of you. Either growing together or growing apart, whichever is more beneficial for the both of you.
Understand through compassion, or you will misunderstand the times. ~ Yogi Bhajan
There is great liberty in being in sync with your own mind and emotions away from a relationship. If you feel you do not have enough time right now on your own to recharge your own battery, go make the time. Find the space, and revel in it. Go fall in love with yourself again, and that love will transfer to the other person as well. Their imperfections will seem at worst trivial, and their idiosyncrasies won’t bother you so much if you are BEING the love, rather than expecting them to be perfection incarnate and make you happy 100% of the time! All of your relationships, romantic or not, will benefit from your frequent time-outs to go listen to your own heart and listen for that joy that overwhelms the silence when you are off by yourself. From a place of fullness and rest, you can re-emerge and give of your time and resources, without ever becoming resentful, ornery, or depleted.
Vibrate with the cosmos and the cosmos shall clear the path. ~ Yogi Bhajan
This recharging of your batteries is not something that your partner can do for you. No amount of together time can ever give you the deep connection that you find within yourself when you meditate, write, paint, do yoga, walk the dog, or otherwise are completely and utterly alone.
This is the space that regenerates, so take time for this often, and you too will stay in harmony with yourself and others.